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“When did women start shaking hands? It feels awkward.”
A very bright, talented, professional woman asked me that question. Initially, I was startled. Yet, as I thought about the question, I realized that many women in my seminars are reluctant to shake hands, and others do so incorrectly.
The topic is attracting attention beyond my seminars. The dos and don’ts of handshakes have been in the news lately, largely because of the widely publicized handshake between President Trump and French President Macron.
It seemed like a good time to revisit my blog on this important business greeting.
In today’s workplace, shaking hands is not for men only. Both men and women need to shake hands, and to do so correctly.
One woman told me she got her job because she shook hands at the beginning of the interview and again at the end. The manager told the woman that he chose her because she handled herself so professionally. Another woman realized that she had been the only one at her table who stood when she shook hands with her CEO. As a result, she had a conversation with him; the other individuals did not.
Why do women sometimes feel uncomfortable about shaking hands? The reasons vary:
1. Some women were never taught to shake hands. It is not that these women were told not to do so, it is that they were not taught to do so. One woman in an etiquette class was shocked when she realized that she was not teaching her four-year-old daughter to shake hands, but she had already started teaching her two-year-old son to shake hands.
2. Women bring the personal greeting of kissing friends on the cheek into the workplace. This can be awkward, since you will not want to kiss or hug everyone you meet at work, nor will everyone be comfortable with that greeting.
3. Many women were taught that they did not need to stand when shaking hands. Before each of my seminars, I walk around the room to introduce myself to my participants and extend my hand in a greeting. Approximately 70 to 75 percent of men, but only 30 to 35 percent of women, stand to shake my hand. You establish your presence when you stand. Both men and women should stand when shaking hands.
You will be judged by your handshake. Be honest: What do you think if someone gives you a limp handshake? Yes, you tend to think of that person as weak and unimpressive.
To shake hands properly:
• Extend your hand with the thumb up.
• Touch thumb joint to thumb joint with the person you are greeting. Put your thumb down, and wrap your fingers around the palm of the other person.
• Make sure your grip is firm, but don’t break any bones – it’s not a competition.
• Don’t over-pump. Giving two to three pumps is enough. Face the person, and make eye contact.
And one more thing: It used to be that men needed to wait for a woman to extend her hand. Not anymore. Today’s guideline is to give the higher-ranking person a split second to extend his or her hand, and if he or she does not, you extend yours. The key is that the handshake needs to take place.
Additional information on the handshake and greetings can be found in my book, The Essentials of Business Etiquette: How to Greet, Eat and Tweet Your Way to Success (McGraw-Hill).
--At LinkedIn, I post regularly oncommunication and etiquette. If you would like to read my posts, please click 'Follow' (at the top of the page) and send me a LinkedIn invite. We can also connect via Twitter, Facebook and my website: www.pachter.com
About: Barbara Pachter is an internationally-renowned business etiquette and communications speaker, coach and author of 11 books. She helpsindividuals communicate more effectively and enhance their professional presence. Pachter is also adjunct faculty in the School of Business at Rutgers University.
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7 Comments
Hadley Donohue
Ms.
3y
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The higher ranking person should still be allowed to decide whether a handshake will take place. That's one of the benefits of having attained the higher rank
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Ellen DiVietro
6y
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Handshakes are so important! It always amuses me when a man does not expect a firm handshake from a "petite " woman.
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Marwa CHREIF
Regional Data-Driven Marketing & Lead Generation Strategist | AI Enthusiast | Empowering Brands for Superior Results | Building End User Communities | Accelerating Business Growth through Customer Stories
6y
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In culturally conservative places and when a lady has to greet a man, the lady should wait for the man to forward his hand to handshake and if she feels that he does not intend to do so, she should smile and place her hand on the heart.
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Roksolana Shkadova
Regulatory Publishing / Compliance / Electronic Submissions / Project Management / Consultant
6y
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Well, I sincerely enjoy a good handshake - it totally sets a good mood for the meeting / discussion. What I am surprised by is an increasing number of men, reluctant to shake hands or those that don't put any effort into it. I had complimented a business man recently on his good firm handshake. I felt like he was treating me as equal by not giving me his limp slack limb. So I appreciated, of course.
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Marja Norris
Author of The Unspoken Code
6y
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Women in business must shake hands in a firm way, looking into the eyes of the person she is shaking hands with. Otherwise women will loose their creditably in the business world. In the USA and many other counties, when a young man or woman shake my hand like a dead fish, if I can, I take pull them aside and teach them how.
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