Not for Men Only! The Etiquette of the Handshake (2024)

Not for Men Only! The Etiquette of the Handshake (1)

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Barbara Pachter Not for Men Only! The Etiquette of the Handshake (2)

Barbara Pachter

Speaker, coach, author of 11 books. Business Etiq, Presentation Skills and Communication. Focus: Employee Development

Published Jun 29, 2017

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“When did women start shaking hands? It feels awkward.”

A very bright, talented, professional woman asked me that question. Initially, I was startled. Yet, as I thought about the question, I realized that many women in my seminars are reluctant to shake hands, and others do so incorrectly.

The topic is attracting attention beyond my seminars. The dos and don’ts of handshakes have been in the news lately, largely because of the widely publicized handshake between President Trump and French President Macron.

It seemed like a good time to revisit my blog on this important business greeting.

In today’s workplace, shaking hands is not for men only. Both men and women need to shake hands, and to do so correctly.

One woman told me she got her job because she shook hands at the beginning of the interview and again at the end. The manager told the woman that he chose her because she handled herself so professionally. Another woman realized that she had been the only one at her table who stood when she shook hands with her CEO. As a result, she had a conversation with him; the other individuals did not.

Why do women sometimes feel uncomfortable about shaking hands? The reasons vary:

1. Some women were never taught to shake hands. It is not that these women were told not to do so, it is that they were not taught to do so. One woman in an etiquette class was shocked when she realized that she was not teaching her four-year-old daughter to shake hands, but she had already started teaching her two-year-old son to shake hands.

2. Women bring the personal greeting of kissing friends on the cheek into the workplace. This can be awkward, since you will not want to kiss or hug everyone you meet at work, nor will everyone be comfortable with that greeting.

3. Many women were taught that they did not need to stand when shaking hands. Before each of my seminars, I walk around the room to introduce myself to my participants and extend my hand in a greeting. Approximately 70 to 75 percent of men, but only 30 to 35 percent of women, stand to shake my hand. You establish your presence when you stand. Both men and women should stand when shaking hands.

You will be judged by your handshake. Be honest: What do you think if someone gives you a limp handshake? Yes, you tend to think of that person as weak and unimpressive.

To shake hands properly:
• Extend your hand with the thumb up.

• Touch thumb joint to thumb joint with the person you are greeting. Put your thumb down, and wrap your fingers around the palm of the other person.

• Make sure your grip is firm, but don’t break any bones – it’s not a competition.

• Don’t over-pump. Giving two to three pumps is enough. Face the person, and make eye contact.

And one more thing: It used to be that men needed to wait for a woman to extend her hand. Not anymore. Today’s guideline is to give the higher-ranking person a split second to extend his or her hand, and if he or she does not, you extend yours. The key is that the handshake needs to take place.

Additional information on the handshake and greetings can be found in my book, The Essentials of Business Etiquette: How to Greet, Eat and Tweet Your Way to Success (McGraw-Hill).

--At LinkedIn, I post regularly oncommunication and etiquette. If you would like to read my posts, please click 'Follow' (at the top of the page) and send me a LinkedIn invite. We can also connect via Twitter, Facebook and my website: www.pachter.com

About: Barbara Pachter is an internationally-renowned business etiquette and communications speaker, coach and author of 11 books. She helpsindividuals communicate more effectively and enhance their professional presence. Pachter is also adjunct faculty in the School of Business at Rutgers University.

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Hadley Donohue

Ms.

3y

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The higher ranking person should still be allowed to decide whether a handshake will take place. That's one of the benefits of having attained the higher rank

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Ellen DiVietro

6y

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Handshakes are so important! It always amuses me when a man does not expect a firm handshake from a "petite " woman.

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Marwa CHREIF

Regional Data-Driven Marketing & Lead Generation Strategist | AI Enthusiast | Empowering Brands for Superior Results | Building End User Communities | Accelerating Business Growth through Customer Stories

6y

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In culturally conservative places and when a lady has to greet a man, the lady should wait for the man to forward his hand to handshake and if she feels that he does not intend to do so, she should smile and place her hand on the heart.

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Roksolana Shkadova

Regulatory Publishing / Compliance / Electronic Submissions / Project Management / Consultant

6y

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Well, I sincerely enjoy a good handshake - it totally sets a good mood for the meeting / discussion. What I am surprised by is an increasing number of men, reluctant to shake hands or those that don't put any effort into it. I had complimented a business man recently on his good firm handshake. I felt like he was treating me as equal by not giving me his limp slack limb. So I appreciated, of course.

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Marja Norris

Author of The Unspoken Code

6y

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Women in business must shake hands in a firm way, looking into the eyes of the person she is shaking hands with. Otherwise women will loose their creditably in the business world. In the USA and many other counties, when a young man or woman shake my hand like a dead fish, if I can, I take pull them aside and teach them how.

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Not for Men Only! The Etiquette of the Handshake (2024)

FAQs

What is the answer to the handshake problem? ›

Explanation: If there are n people in a room, each person will shake hands with the (n - 1) remaining people as they will not be shaking hands with themselves – hence we get (n)(n - 1).

Is it rude for a man to shake a woman's hand? ›

Historically, men were not expected to shake hands with a woman, but today, everyone is expected to shake hands with everyone in business. And a man should give a woman the same firm handshake he gives a man. In social situations, however, a man should wait for a woman to extend her hand first.

What is the proper etiquette for a handshake? ›

Take your left hand out of your pocket, maintain eye contact and smile, if appropriate. Introduce yourself, if this is the first time you're meeting someone, or greet them by their name. Your fingers should grip the other person's palm and your handshake should be firm but not bone-crushing.

Should a woman stand up when shaking hands? ›

Approximately 70 to 75 percent of men, but only 30 to 35 percent of women, stand to shake my hand. You establish your presence when you stand. Both men and women should stand when shaking hands.

What is the 3 handshake rule? ›

Steps of a three-way handshake

TCP is responsible for ensuring data is delivered correctly between computers on an internet network. The three-way handshake involves the following three steps: synchronize (SYN), synchronize-acknowledge (SYN-ACK), and acknowledge (ACK). Here's how it works: 1.

What are three things a handshake should not be? ›

6 Handshake Rules You Shouldn't Break
  • Know when to shake hands. ...
  • Shake for no more than three “pumps” ...
  • Don't use a “dead fish” or “wet fish” handshake. ...
  • Don't use a “bone crusher” handshake. ...
  • Don't use the “l*ttle lady” handshake EVEN IF you're a man shaking hands with a woman. ...
  • Shake with one hand, not two.

What is a disrespectful handshake? ›

Avoid incorporating your left hand in a handshake by laying it on top of the other person's right hand or holding their shoulder. Refrain from holding a handshake for too long. Handshakes should last just a few seconds. It is disrespectful to refrain from shaking another person's hand.

What if a girl shakes your hand? ›

Most likely that means that she either likes you as a person or at least doesn't mind you, but most likely that's not what you meant by liking. Offering a handshake has nothing to do about being attracted or not. I tend to shake hands with pretty much everyone when I introduce myself.

Should a man greet a woman with a handshake? ›

So my advice to men is, shake a woman's hand the way you shake a man's and to women, do not act daintily or you will be perceived as such and suffer for it.

What is the golden handshake rule? ›

The term golden handshake refers to a clause in an executive's contract that provides them with a significant severance package if the employee loses their job due to firing, restructuring, negligence, or retirement. Golden handshakes are normally provided to top executives in the event that they lose employment.

What is the five handshake rule? ›

It is also known as the six handshakes rule. The concept was originally set out in a 1929 short story by Frigyes Karinthy, in which a group of people play a game of trying to connect any person in the world to themselves by a chain of five others. It was popularized in John Guare's 1990 play Six Degrees of Separation.

What is the six handshake rule? ›

The 6 handshakes rule, also known as the 6 degrees of separation, is the idea that everybody in the world is 6 or fewer connections away from each other. This interesting concept will be our base to explore a more computer-science related theme: path finding algorithms.

Who should greet the first man or woman? ›

Who Should Greet First? This is a key question. According to the rules of etiquette, it should always be the socially less-important individual, that is, a man greets a woman first, the younger person greets the elder first, the subordinate greets the superior.

What culture is it considered rude to shake hands? ›

In some Asian countries, a hard handshake is considered rude. In Vietnam, you should only shake hands with someone who's your equal in age or rank. In Thailand, instead of shaking hands, you're more likely to bow with your hands together and up to your chest.

What to reply to handshake emoji? ›

Responding to 🤝 (Handshake Emoji)

If someone sends you a 🤝 to open up a conversation, just say “hey!” and reciprocate their handshake by sending one right back.

What is the combination formula for the handshake problem? ›

You could see the possible handshakes as potential network connections as Metcalfe's law describes them. The formula for it is n (n - 1) / 2, so for 4 network members you would get 4 (4 - 1) / 2 = 4 * 3 / 2 = 6, the same result.

How many handshakes would 100 people have? ›

What if there were 100 people in the room? = 49(100) + 50 = 4950 handshakes.

How many handshakes if there are 25 people? ›

The total number of handshakes will be 24 + 23 + 22 + 21 + ….. +3 + 2 + 1 = 300. Students could use a model for the handshakes. Call the 25 students A, B, C, D,……

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